The answer is, of course, “time to get ill”. That’s right, a mere month after I was off work with a cold I find myself at home again, sniffling and wheezing like — well, like someone with a bad cold (My ability to think up appropriate metaphors is obviously as bunged up as my nose). This time around, I abandoned any pretence of being a Problogger and just concentrated on the strenuous business of not working.

My God, it’s tiring stuff.

It’s strange how you can feel so run-down after spending a day doing nothing, but that’s precisely how I feel. It obviously isn’t helped by the fact that I’m so congested I can only breathe through my mouth, but even so, surely playing old C64 games and mindlessly browsing the internet can’t be that taxing, can it?

Evidently so.

Just for the record, if you would like to recreate my Tuesday 22 March (perhaps in a Bloomsday stylee), you can do the following:

• Wake up at 9.30am feeling dog-rough.
• Phone in sick, then spend the next 15 minutes or so fretting about whether your boss thought you were putting on a rough-sounding voice when you called.
• Have a bowl of Quaker OatSo Simple for breakfast (apple & blackberry flavour for authenticity) with a Lemsip chaser.
• Spend the morning downloading old Commodore 64 games from the websites of Hokuto Force and Remember, a couple of release groups who have made it their aim to crack and train games that weren’t cracked and trained properly when the C64 (and its games) were still on sale. I used VICE to play them so make sure you do too, otherwise we’re wasting out time with this whole venture, aren’t we?
• Have cheese on toast for lunch. Make sure you add a splash of HP Sauce. Mmmm!
• Spend too much time browsing World of Spectrum, looking up games you used to have and comparing them to the C64 and Amstrad CPC versions.
• While you’re doing this, double your unproductivity by listening to the latest Podshock. What are you looking at me like that for? I’m a geek, I have internet access, of course I’m going to be interested in downloading an MP3 of people talking about Doctor Who.
• Invite into your life something at least remotely resembling human contact by watching Alan Sugar (sorry, Sir Alan Sugar) fire another management-speaking tit on The Apprentice.
• Finally, round off one of the most unproductive days on record by getting yourself a mug of hot chocolate and a cherry bakewell and writing a rambling blog post about how you wasted another day of your life.

Please note that it’s very important to have a Lemsip every four hours, and while you’re drinking it why not spend a few minutes reflecting on how guilty you feel for not going into work?

So, that’s what you ought to be doing every 22 March from now on. Make sure you buy your porridge oats well in advance — there could be a run on them…




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